A lot of people take too much from the person they care about - be it in a romantic relationship, a friendship, a family member, whatever. I'm not telling anyone what to do long term, but I need to put this out there for people who are facing this negative and unhealthy behavior right now.
I don't believe in the word “if” when it comes to love - if he loves me, he'll do this, if she's a good friend, she'll do that, if my dad wants to make me happy, he'll do it - because I don't think it's right to put conditions on other people and their actions. However, I also don't think it's right to let people treat you badly and excuse it - if he really didn't love me, the hit would have left a mark, if my mom was actually controlling she'd open ALL of my mail, if they really were talking behind my back, they wouldn't have offered to let me read those texts - because when people treat you badly, there is no justification. Are there ways their behavior can be explained? I'm sure there are - be it that they're being abused themselves and are transferring the feelings onto you, or that they suffer from mental illness, or they have addiction issues, or what have you, but those factors don't justify their behavior. They don't make it okay. They don't mean that if you really love them, you have to suck it up and deal with what they say or do that makes you feel bad.
Self love is so important. There's a quote from Lucille Ball that I really like, and I'll paraphrase it here, “to get anything done in this world, you really have to love yourself. love yourself first, and everything else falls into line”. Love yourself and think of what makes you happy as an individual - does crying yourself to sleep because someone crossed a line in that arguement make you feel good? Does keeping secrets from him or her because you don't trust them make you feel loved? Does the fact that they were just drinking and didn't really mean it make you feel like you did before it happened? No, it doesn't. Sometimes you can excuse behavior until you're sore in the throat, but does it really make you feel better? Do you want a relationship with someone whose actions you need to justify?
I'm not saying you need to cut these people out of your life or burn bridges or leave them a million nasty voicemails.. .But what I'm asking you is to love yourself. To get up in the morning and not think about what their opinion of you is. To go through your day without worrying about what will happen later - will he call? will she be in a bad mood when I get home? does he REALLY like me? - and concentrate on aspects of yourself no one can take away from you - books, music, films, nature, volunteering, whatever. Something that makes you happy and secure and safe without being contingent on someone else.
At the end of the day, you don't need to take someone's bad behavior, no matter what role they have in your life. There are always scenarios where you can't just up and walk away, but that doesn't mean you have to feel bad about yourself or let their behavior bring you down. If you need to cry, cry; but focus on making yourself happy and giving yourself hope for better days. If you can get out, please do, and if he or she or they apologize and want to try again, think about it and make your own decision. If you can't get out right now, just know that you're worth all the love and respect which is inherent to all people and love yourself the way you deserve.
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